Stark's Law
by Lacrimula Falsa
Summary: Tony said he was fine with dating a vampire and he meant it. [Written for Marvel Spookytober Prompts 2019 and IronStrange Bingo 2019. Tony Stark/Stephen Strange, AU, complete.]


**Stark's Law  
**_by Lacrimula Falsa_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, nor any other Marvel franchise. This is a non-profit work produced solely for entertainment purposes.

_A/N:_ This work was created for Marvel Spookytober Prompts 2019. It also fills the "Morning Kisses" square on my card for IronStrange Bingo 2019. A link to my card will be put in the endnotes once I have it uploaded somewhere.

**Title:** Stark's Law  
Content Creator(s): Lacrimula Falsa  
ISB Square Filled: Strange  
Spookytober Prompt: Day 3 - Vampire  
Rating: T  
Pairing(s): Tony Stark/Stephen Strange

**Warning(s)/Trigger(s):** the usual vampirism tropes

Link: on Ao3 - archiveofourown DOT org SLASH works SLASH 20883530

* * *

"And I can really put the coffin-"

"Yes."

"And you won't mind the blackout curtains?"

"No."

…

"Could I move the garlic cloves out of the kitchen?"

"Sure."

"And you're sure you don't mind me rearranging your living-"

"For fuck's sake, Stephen!"

Tony slammed his tablet down on the table and glared at Stephen. Creature of the night or not, Stephen took a step back. Tony took off his reading glasses.

_Uh-oh. _Clearly Tony meant business.

"Stephen. We've been over this. Like seven times. I said I was fine with dating a vampire and I meant it. Really. Please stop apologising and asking me about things we've discussed. Thank you."

Stephen felt his shoulders droop.

"I just think that you might not be taking this seriously enough. There are risks to our cohabitation that I feel you're not-"

Tony put up a hand in a 'stop' gesture.

"Darling. You passed out when I cut myself. My blood is perfectly safe and I _sincerely_ hope my virtue isn't because otherwise, we will need to have words. You've put an ancient forbidden enchantment on yourself to keep me safe from your undead leech side. Maybe stop panicking about it for a few seconds?"

Stephen sat down next to Tony.

"I'm sor- I mean. I understand what you're saying. It's just difficult for me to understand how you're so calm about this."

Tony shrugged.

"Stark's Law."

Stephen blinked.

"Sorry what?"

Tony smiled that smile he got when he'd solved a particularly tricky problem.

"Stark's Law. 'No matter how strange – pun totally intended - reality gets, as a superhero you've probably seen stranger.'"

"You just made that up."

Tony shot him a Look.

"Well duh. But it's true. I've fought aliens named like Norse gods, been to space and there was also Floating Everything Man last week. This is nothing."

Stephen smiled despite himself.

"This isn't exactly nothing. I drink blood now."Tony shrugged again."That's tame compared to some of the 'diets' I've seen on the internet. Also, you drink blood that the hospitals don't want, so you're not exactly hurting anyone."

"You're not budging on this, are you?"

"No. You're staying here until you find a way to make your magic house not burn you alive the moment you walk in."

"It's called the Sanctum."

"It's a magic house."

"You're not budging on the nicknames either."

Tony leaned over the table to peck Stephen on the cheek.

"Nope."

"But we agree that the vampirism is strange, don't we."

Stephen realised what he'd said the moment Tony opened his mouth.

"Do not. Or I'm renting a motel room."

Tony made a zipping motion over his lips.

* * *

"I still don't understand the coffin."

Stephen stuffed another pillow into said coffin.

"Well, my vampire side insists I sleep inside a small confined space, so it's either this or some other human-sized box and I don't exactly want to add to my number of suspicious StarkDex searches. Also I need something to sleep in now, not whenever a custom bed can get here."

"That makes sense. Speaking of custom beds, I know a guy for that."

Stephen eyed the king-sized monstrosity next to his coffin.

"Of course you do."

Tony looked like he was trying very hard not to smile.

"You really hate my bed huh?"

"It looks atrocious. Why you willingly sleep in that thing remains a mystery to me."

"Pot, coffin."

"I contracted vampirism. What's your excuse?"

"You win this one. I'm still not buying a different bed."

* * *

"Hmrph?"

"Shhh. It's just me, go back to sleep."

"St'phen?"

"Yes, love, now go back to sleep."

Tony sat up, clearly fully awake now. Stephen cursed his vampirism for not gifting him with any noticeable stealth.

"Why aren't you in the coffin."

Stephen shuffled under the duvet.

"Don't laugh."

Tony laid back down.

"About what?"

"The blanket doesn't fit."

…

"What now?"

"In the coffin. The blanket and pillows don't fit if I close the lid. And without them that blasted thing is about as comfortable as the floor. And since my vampire side is as uncomfortable in an open coffin as it is in a bed I decided I might as well sleep here."

One had to hand it to Tony, he didn't laugh. He did, however, giggle quite a bit.

"You are the least scary vampire ever."

"That's not, in our current situation, a bad thing."

"Hm, true. So I can go back to sleep?"

"Yes. I'm sorry I woke you up."

"I would have thought vampires would be better at sneaking."

"Please sleep."

"No seriously. By the time you'd have reached my neck-"

"Tony."

"Okay, okay, I'll stop."

There was a moment of blessed silence before Tony said.

"Wait. Do you turn into a corpse when you fall asleep?"

Stephen blinked at the ceiling.

"Damn it."

Tony sighed.

"Back to the magic books?"

Stephen sighed too. So much for a calm first night as a vampire.

"Back to the magic books."

"If you turn into a corpse you get your own bed."

"Oh good, then I won't have to look at this one any longer."

"It's _dark_."

"I've recently acquired_ excellent night-vision_."

"Damn it. I really can't win today."

* * *

_A/N:_ I'll link to my card for this bingo here once I've posted it somewhere.

IronStrange Bingo: ironstrangebingo DOT tumblr DOT com

Marvel Spookytober Prompts: marvelspookytoberprompts DOT tumblr DOT com


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